Final musings

The whole donations for Calais mission has changed me.

I was so unbelievably naiive before I embarked on all of this; floating around in a protective bubble, oblivious.

The catalyst for me and I'm certain for most people was the image of that tiny, lifeless body washed up on the shore in Turkey - little Aylan so innocent. So DEAD.

My bubble burst. I read and read and read every report I could feast my eyes on, watched every news bulletin to find out what had happened and to find answers to why it had happened. I searched for groups of like-minded people who I could ask for answers.

I wanted to scream at everyone I knew to wake them up to the crisis unfolding before me. I begged everyone I could for anything they had to spare, asked them to share what they had with the thousands of people running away from everything they owned and loved. Those whose lives in their own country were so unbearable that the risk of putting their entire family on a tiny rubber boat in the hope that they could get to Europe and safety was an infinitely better option than staying waiting to be blown to pieces, tortured or raped.  

I often wake up in the early hours of the morning and my instant thought these days is that I have a warm, dry, comfortable bed, a roof over my head and I'm lucky that I live in a safe country. I count my blessings that my family are sleeping soundly around me, without a care in the world. In a twist of fate it could all be so different then who would help US? Have we been a nation who deserves help? If you know your history I fear that we most certainly are not!

When I am awake in those twilight hours I pick up my phone and catch up on emails and social media, reading how people are getting on with their own lives, mundane everyday stories, pictures of their meals. I used to get really angry at these musings; how can people be so oblivious to what is happening in the world? If they are aware how can it not affect them like it does me? I'm just envious now because I can’t relate to any of that day to day humdrum; there is no pleasure in those everyday things. The weight of the world bears down on me and I feel out of my depth to help enough.

I've seen so much. I feel other people’s pain and desperation. I have given so much of myself that I sometime feel there is so little of the previous me left. I worry that I cannot give enough due to my family and work commitments – despair overwhelms me. I’m weary.

Every day on the internet, on TV, on the radio the words and images. I cannot forget them, they have bombarded me since I woke up and began to take notice of what inhumane atrocities are going on in the world.

I struggle to switch off, my mind wanders to those poor people struggling day in day out to survive in atrocious conditions  being treated like vermin by those in ‘authority’ who should know better.


I’ve tried to stay away from the news, from the awful reports flashing up on the screens but I am inexplicably drawn back to reading and listening and sharing, it feels like I am doing my follow human beings who are in such dire need an injustice by ignoring the situation. All the time the feeling of inadequacy gnaws away at my insides and my heart aches.

These inhumane conditions aren’t just pictures in the press, this situation is REAL. I’ve seen it laid bare  and up-close with my own eyes. Adult men forced to line up for handouts of the most basic of human necessities, once proud citizens of a town that probably no longer even exists anymore – raised to the ground. Nothing but memories left. I've watched children playing in areas where piles of human excrement lay covered in flies. In my lifetime I never could have imaged that I would walk through areas of such appalling conditions and have and heard such horrific stories of people journeys to reach where they are today or that I would have met young children all alone in the world, frightened and so vulnerable.


The small consolation I take from being part of a local team of volunteers in collecting donations for Calais, Syria, Hungary and Greece helps to keep me focused and our mutual support for each other enables us to continue with this worthwhile effort.

I am determined to make a difference and to show my sons that when people are in need they must help them. No 'if' or 'buts' YOU HELP, it's the right thing to do and because they are in a privileged position where they can help those less fortunate.

I want to fix the world, encourage everyone to work as a united force against all this inhumanity. We must live in harmony with our neighbours, it's irrelevant what colour, creed or religion we are. We need to  embrace our differences, we are all brothers and sisters sharing the same planet.

We must arm the next generation with the ability to stand up to governments and multi-national companies who are doing others an injustice. Teach them to raise their voices on behalf of those who have no voice and be heard.